Statuses

Gary: “I’ve worked nine of the last ten days. I’m taking the afternoon off.” Garbage Disposal Unit: “Today is a good day to spring a leak.”

Any day that starts with bacon has to be good… I start every day with bacon.

Today is a triple espresso + Mountain Dew type of day…

So Grammarly tells me it detected a new tone in my writing last week — ‘negative.’ Now I need to get started on ‘sarcastic’ and ‘antagonistic.’

That moment when …
you regret ignoring the message from Photoshop asking if you really want to close the window without saving …

That moment when … You go for a pee and after struggling for several moments you realize your boxers are on back to front.

Bar sign: “Extreme Midget Wrestling” Only in the Ozarks (I hope).

D’oh! In a repeat of the dishwasher dying right after I spent money on a new hammock … The freezer died tonight, less than a week after we laid down the cash on our new furniture.

Painted in big letters on the back fence: “VIDEO! DOG BITES!” Large sign on the side of the same house: “STOLEN DOG. $500 REWARD…” You cannot make these things up.

Following a successful field test with our old lounging hammock, I decided I could afford to buy a light-weight backpacking hammock, tarp, and under-quilt …

Four hours later the dishwasher died and we were mopping up a quarter inch of water from the kitchen floor.

That moment when a sharp pain in the groin wakes you in the middle of the night … And, upon investigation one discovers a cat’s claw (attached to a cat) embedded in one’s scrotum.

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

I live in America, remind me why I’m studying the 119 page EU General Data Protection Regulation? — the joys of doing business online in 2018.

Windows 10 Creators Edition; finding creative ways of ruining your day.

The “I can’t give a f**k” is strong in this one. — The struggle is real.

is not taking my medication regularly making me forgetful? Or, is it the other way around?

Earlier this evening. New definition of incongruous. Brit driving an Impala through the Ozarks while loudly singing along with 1970s Canterbury prog. rock. #caravan #cunningstunts

Did I miss the memo? We seem to have skipped August and September and jumped straight to October. Brrrr.

One day I’ll grow up. But not today. Thanks to Leslie Nielsen I’m giggling at the thought of the up-coming Beaver Moon.

That moment when you congratulate yourself on losing 10 lbs … and then realize you have another 16 lbs to go.

That Moment when … standing in the shower you realize that the hot water heater is out and there’s no hot water.

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